Bully Poem
I had cancer, yes cancer, had hardly any hair
I returned to work, but did you care?
You looked at me, a vulnerable pawn
With hospital appointments. It could not be born
I was a costly waste of corporate air
Lost profits, time. And ugly, no hair!
When I decided to raise my concerns with HR
You decided to destroy me, I would not get far
With raising the truth, that was out of order
Whistleblowing where you were the warder
You refused me leave, you refused me care
You refused to acknowledge me, I was not there,
You used a minor matter to attack my work
You failed my in year assessment! You made me look a jerk
Did the others help me. No they just looked on!
They could not believe you were the bullying one
As you smiled in their faces, and tossed your hair
You lured them like a black widow into her lair
Eventually I proved the rubbish you peddled
Did that make a difference? No I had just meddled
In the corporate club to which you had the card
You bullied me more, you tried very hard
Reorganisation came just in time
But not before you had played with my mind
And my body and made me so sick
Worried and frightened. You made me look thick
This competent, clever and sensitive person
Walked away and closed the curtain
I learned you were nothing, but misery and lies
No one liked you, they were scared of your eyes
I help others now and even set up a blog
I took what you did and turned it from smog
Into flowers and rainbows to pursue dreams and Magic
While you remain in your lair bullying others and that's tragic
Bullied at work? Workplace bullying? Bad manager or coworkers? Multiple bullied by officialdom, clients etc. Recovery from the trauma, solutions and coping. Building resilience one step at a time together!
Wednesday, 23 March 2016
Saturday, 19 March 2016
Are you feeling ashamed you were targeted? Solutions
Bullying. Do you feel ashamed they got you?
WHO YOU ONCE WERE?
Being bullied is only the beginning of the hell that is work-place bullying. You find yourself on the reverse side of what was once your norm. What I mean by that is that judgements and prejudices about others, come into conflict with your own beliefs about bullying prior to finding yourself in the exact situation you were judgemental and prejudiced about.
Is it possible that before you were bullied you viewed those who were targeted as likely to have heaped the situation on themselves, or viewed them as whingers, whiners, non-performers. Worse still you may be forced to admit that in not being bullied you might have regarded yourself as superior to those that are. Perhaps you may have thought you worked better than the bullied one, or that they are different and you are part of the in-crowd. They are outside and you belong.
You might have steered clear of so called trouble makers or believed the workplace 'rumour mill.'
BULLYING IS VIOLENCE?
The classic comparison is that of domestic violence. People are perhaps more educated than they were, but how many people have secretly felt smug and gossiped about a victim of domestic violence wondering why she or he has stayed in the situation, thinking them weak and pitiful. But we are now far more knowledgeable about domestic abuse, we know that the truth is far more complex. But it has taken education and substantial social re-thinking to come to this position. By the time the victim of domestic violence has been dominated and controlled, they are in no fit state to leave. The power and dominance of the perpetrator has literally rendered them incapacitated, or they may see no reasonable way out. There are surely comparisons with the workplace bullied who are so demoralised they cannot challenge their bully or move from their workplace, their confidence destroyed. (See Deluth's power and control wheel)
Is it possible that the experience of work-place bullying is akin to domestic violence? The control is extracted by the bully who uses the bulwark of the work-place to cloak their actions and worse still, in some instance the workplace actually assists the perpetrator.
No wonder then that now you have shifted from observer or bystander, to a target, you are suddenly at odds with your own internal belief system and in a rictus of inaction.
How could you be bullied? How could this happen to you. You do not fit the victim dynamic (or the dynamic you believe in) and yet here you are? Just like the victim of domestic violence you feel powerless or feel that there is no way out that would not result in financial ruin or social embarrassment.
THERE IS SO LITTLE RESEARCH IT SEEMS....
We believe that there is very little research material looking at the role of societal norms and beliefs regarding work-place bullying and the effect of shame and embarrassment in the bullied. It seems astonishing that so little time appears to have been spent on so large a problem, 10 million people worldwide are bullied at work. So much so that effective organisations such as the Workplace Bullying Institute are one of the only such institutes in the United States appearing to do empirical research into the issue.
If a child is bullied it is easy to understand and to sympathise with. The playground bully is a old as Flashman in Tom Brown's school days. Yet as soon as it is an adult, our views and judgements start to change. We become less sympathetic. Why are we at The Third Way so sure of this? Well, for one thing victim blaming is real. Some are apt, quite wrongly to believe that those who are targeted at work may be unpopular, performing poorly or just not part of the culture. In some cases their is smug satisfaction that they are not bullied or bystanders turn a blind eye or ignore it hoping that it and the bully will just fade into the background of the working day. Perhaps it is just human survival instinct, who knows.
But once we are bullied, once we are the target, we may turn such unsympathetic thoughts to ourselves, ias we try to maintain outmoded belief systems. One may become in conflict with oneself and ones former belief of what being a victim means. So much so that many victims of bullying do not even know or acknowledge that they are being bullied. They are literally unable to acknowledge being bullied for fear of admitting that they, through NO FAULT OF THEIR OWN, became a target. Blame continues, holding the experience up to a critical and judgemental eye, to ones own harsh internal judgement.
Why do we say this? Because recognising that we are all judgemental and critical is the first step in releasing ourselves from guilt and shame.
We can take steps toward being kinder to ourselves. To look upon ourselves as we would if we were Tom Brown being cooked on the fire by Flashman. If that were so, if we observed ourselves as we would a child, we would feel compassion, acceptance and genuine care and sorrow for such treatment. This is a key that could release us from judgement and hence from shame. I was once told to "take the critic off my shoulder." It might have been one of the best things ever said to me, so I share it here.
Perhaps through these thoughts, we might allow ourselves to begin to recover and re-gain some control over the despair. This is not to say we cannot grieve, we must grieve for our changed circumstancrs.
When we understand that shame and embarrassment may be driven by our own inner critic, we can step back and view ourselves with compassion. In so doing we may indeed grow from the experience and be more kind to ourselves and others.
In taking the step toward compassion for ourselves we grow in our love for who we are. We recognise that not only do we not deserve to be bullied but that it is not our fault. This revelation is surely the road to recognising that we do not have to accept the status quo. Whether we choose to challenge the bully, fight the system or walk away, respecting our inner value, enables us to take back control.
We are great believers in counselling and we know that many people feel very nervous of the idea of counselling, perhaps fearing releasing long held emotions and beliefs. We can only speak from experience in saying that the talking therapies may offer constructive tools for recovery. You may wish to google Carl Rogers person-centered approach, which at its most basic is a tool to gain self love and self acceptance when we are feeling deeply troubled and critical of ourselves. There are several books on it. It is essential to find an accredited counsellor and one that suits you. Do not stick with a counsellor who is not working for you out of obligation, you owe it to yourself to have the best you can afford.
In conclusion, shame and embarrassment may block us from healing from the trauma of being bullied and from adapting our views. IT WAS NOT YOUR FAULT, YOU DID NOT FAIL. In seeing our plight through the eyes of a child or through the eyes of others we can allow ourselves to have unconditional positive regard and empathy for our plight. From this we can grow and heal and make decisions that are correct for our well-being.
We can begin to make plans as to how we will tackle the bullying and how we will empower ourselves by perhaps joining forums, talking to others, perhaps starting a support group or paying for professional advice, seeking union or other advice, that we deserve or retraining ourselves or finding new ways of finding fulfilling employment.
We are not experts and this blog is just our opinion and loving offer of understanding. If you are seized with shame and embarrassment over work-place bullying and if you are finding it hard to cope you should consider speaking to a professional medical practitioner or other professional..
WHO YOU ONCE WERE?
Being bullied is only the beginning of the hell that is work-place bullying. You find yourself on the reverse side of what was once your norm. What I mean by that is that judgements and prejudices about others, come into conflict with your own beliefs about bullying prior to finding yourself in the exact situation you were judgemental and prejudiced about.
Is it possible that before you were bullied you viewed those who were targeted as likely to have heaped the situation on themselves, or viewed them as whingers, whiners, non-performers. Worse still you may be forced to admit that in not being bullied you might have regarded yourself as superior to those that are. Perhaps you may have thought you worked better than the bullied one, or that they are different and you are part of the in-crowd. They are outside and you belong.
You might have steered clear of so called trouble makers or believed the workplace 'rumour mill.'
BULLYING IS VIOLENCE?
The classic comparison is that of domestic violence. People are perhaps more educated than they were, but how many people have secretly felt smug and gossiped about a victim of domestic violence wondering why she or he has stayed in the situation, thinking them weak and pitiful. But we are now far more knowledgeable about domestic abuse, we know that the truth is far more complex. But it has taken education and substantial social re-thinking to come to this position. By the time the victim of domestic violence has been dominated and controlled, they are in no fit state to leave. The power and dominance of the perpetrator has literally rendered them incapacitated, or they may see no reasonable way out. There are surely comparisons with the workplace bullied who are so demoralised they cannot challenge their bully or move from their workplace, their confidence destroyed. (See Deluth's power and control wheel)
Is it possible that the experience of work-place bullying is akin to domestic violence? The control is extracted by the bully who uses the bulwark of the work-place to cloak their actions and worse still, in some instance the workplace actually assists the perpetrator.
No wonder then that now you have shifted from observer or bystander, to a target, you are suddenly at odds with your own internal belief system and in a rictus of inaction.
How could you be bullied? How could this happen to you. You do not fit the victim dynamic (or the dynamic you believe in) and yet here you are? Just like the victim of domestic violence you feel powerless or feel that there is no way out that would not result in financial ruin or social embarrassment.
THERE IS SO LITTLE RESEARCH IT SEEMS....
We believe that there is very little research material looking at the role of societal norms and beliefs regarding work-place bullying and the effect of shame and embarrassment in the bullied. It seems astonishing that so little time appears to have been spent on so large a problem, 10 million people worldwide are bullied at work. So much so that effective organisations such as the Workplace Bullying Institute are one of the only such institutes in the United States appearing to do empirical research into the issue.
If a child is bullied it is easy to understand and to sympathise with. The playground bully is a old as Flashman in Tom Brown's school days. Yet as soon as it is an adult, our views and judgements start to change. We become less sympathetic. Why are we at The Third Way so sure of this? Well, for one thing victim blaming is real. Some are apt, quite wrongly to believe that those who are targeted at work may be unpopular, performing poorly or just not part of the culture. In some cases their is smug satisfaction that they are not bullied or bystanders turn a blind eye or ignore it hoping that it and the bully will just fade into the background of the working day. Perhaps it is just human survival instinct, who knows.
But once we are bullied, once we are the target, we may turn such unsympathetic thoughts to ourselves, ias we try to maintain outmoded belief systems. One may become in conflict with oneself and ones former belief of what being a victim means. So much so that many victims of bullying do not even know or acknowledge that they are being bullied. They are literally unable to acknowledge being bullied for fear of admitting that they, through NO FAULT OF THEIR OWN, became a target. Blame continues, holding the experience up to a critical and judgemental eye, to ones own harsh internal judgement.
Why do we say this? Because recognising that we are all judgemental and critical is the first step in releasing ourselves from guilt and shame.
We can take steps toward being kinder to ourselves. To look upon ourselves as we would if we were Tom Brown being cooked on the fire by Flashman. If that were so, if we observed ourselves as we would a child, we would feel compassion, acceptance and genuine care and sorrow for such treatment. This is a key that could release us from judgement and hence from shame. I was once told to "take the critic off my shoulder." It might have been one of the best things ever said to me, so I share it here.
Perhaps through these thoughts, we might allow ourselves to begin to recover and re-gain some control over the despair. This is not to say we cannot grieve, we must grieve for our changed circumstancrs.
When we understand that shame and embarrassment may be driven by our own inner critic, we can step back and view ourselves with compassion. In so doing we may indeed grow from the experience and be more kind to ourselves and others.
In taking the step toward compassion for ourselves we grow in our love for who we are. We recognise that not only do we not deserve to be bullied but that it is not our fault. This revelation is surely the road to recognising that we do not have to accept the status quo. Whether we choose to challenge the bully, fight the system or walk away, respecting our inner value, enables us to take back control.
We are great believers in counselling and we know that many people feel very nervous of the idea of counselling, perhaps fearing releasing long held emotions and beliefs. We can only speak from experience in saying that the talking therapies may offer constructive tools for recovery. You may wish to google Carl Rogers person-centered approach, which at its most basic is a tool to gain self love and self acceptance when we are feeling deeply troubled and critical of ourselves. There are several books on it. It is essential to find an accredited counsellor and one that suits you. Do not stick with a counsellor who is not working for you out of obligation, you owe it to yourself to have the best you can afford.
In conclusion, shame and embarrassment may block us from healing from the trauma of being bullied and from adapting our views. IT WAS NOT YOUR FAULT, YOU DID NOT FAIL. In seeing our plight through the eyes of a child or through the eyes of others we can allow ourselves to have unconditional positive regard and empathy for our plight. From this we can grow and heal and make decisions that are correct for our well-being.
We can begin to make plans as to how we will tackle the bullying and how we will empower ourselves by perhaps joining forums, talking to others, perhaps starting a support group or paying for professional advice, seeking union or other advice, that we deserve or retraining ourselves or finding new ways of finding fulfilling employment.
We are not experts and this blog is just our opinion and loving offer of understanding. If you are seized with shame and embarrassment over work-place bullying and if you are finding it hard to cope you should consider speaking to a professional medical practitioner or other professional..
Sunday, 6 March 2016
Ever heard of Ergophobia?
TERRIFIED TO GO TO WORK?
Know what it is yet? You are either an intellectual or have been bullied at work! I jest. Actually I jest not!. Ergophobia is the fear of work and it is no laughing matter. A significant proportion of those bullied at work suffer or develop some of the symptoms of work phobia which may fall short of Ergophobia, but are nevertheless serious and you are not alone.
A CASE STUDY
I was prompted to write the article after talking to Cynthia, a professional who had been bullied by her female manager for over a year until her boss was promoted. After taking a period off for stress, Cynthia had to return to work. She developed a terror of the work environment and everything that accompanied it. She was like a rabbit caught in headlights. She became fearful of the very office she worked in. She was gripped with terror every time she saw her bully, even though she no longer worked for her. She became fearful of co-workers, her new manager, making mistakes, being late. The very thought of getting up, putting on her work clothes and going out to catch her train made her feel physically sick.
Cynthia developed panic attacks, such that she began to believe that she might have a heart attack. She suffered from hyperventilating, finding the thought of work made it difficult to breath. New or changing policies at work would bring her out in a cold sweat, quite literally.
The trauma of bullying had literally led her to fear her work. She eventually went to hospital to see if she was indeed having a heart attack. She was told that she was having panic attacks. She consulted her doctor and was diagnosed with having post traumatic stress symptom, the aftermath of bullying, panic attacks and stress. She was immediately, without hesitation signed off to recover from fatigue and stress.
It was found that Cynthia was not so Ergophobic that she needed psychiatric intervention but was suffering the effects of trauma.
She decided to take counselling and during counselling, she discovered that she was actually a very strong , able person who had withstood bullying far longer than most people could. She had gone into battle for a year facing an intimidating and aggressive serial bully. It was only when it was over that the real bodily harm she had suffered came to the fore.
Cynthia decided with the help of her family, friends, medical and legal team that the only sane option was to leave her employer.
We will in due course be writing a forthcoming post on intelligent job searching for those of you who have decided that the time has come to leave. You owe it to yourself to research your next employer to make sure they are a better fit for you, and whilst no one can predict where a bully may lie, it makes sense to narrow the opportunity for it to happen.
Definition - or ergasiophobia is an abnormal and persistent fear of work (manual labor, non-manual labour, etc.) or finding employment. Ergophobia may also be a subset of either social phobia or performance anxiety. Sufferers of ergophobia experience undue anxiety about the workplace environment even though they realize their fear is irrational. Their fear may actually be a combination of fears, such as fear of failing at assigned tasks, speaking before groups at work (both of which are types of performance anxiety), socializing with co-workers (a type of social phobia), and other fears of emotional, psychological and/or physiological injuries. (Source WIKIPEDIA)
Further reading for a really good article on Ergophobia a nobullying.com
Know what it is yet? You are either an intellectual or have been bullied at work! I jest. Actually I jest not!. Ergophobia is the fear of work and it is no laughing matter. A significant proportion of those bullied at work suffer or develop some of the symptoms of work phobia which may fall short of Ergophobia, but are nevertheless serious and you are not alone.
A CASE STUDY
I was prompted to write the article after talking to Cynthia, a professional who had been bullied by her female manager for over a year until her boss was promoted. After taking a period off for stress, Cynthia had to return to work. She developed a terror of the work environment and everything that accompanied it. She was like a rabbit caught in headlights. She became fearful of the very office she worked in. She was gripped with terror every time she saw her bully, even though she no longer worked for her. She became fearful of co-workers, her new manager, making mistakes, being late. The very thought of getting up, putting on her work clothes and going out to catch her train made her feel physically sick.
Cynthia developed panic attacks, such that she began to believe that she might have a heart attack. She suffered from hyperventilating, finding the thought of work made it difficult to breath. New or changing policies at work would bring her out in a cold sweat, quite literally.
The trauma of bullying had literally led her to fear her work. She eventually went to hospital to see if she was indeed having a heart attack. She was told that she was having panic attacks. She consulted her doctor and was diagnosed with having post traumatic stress symptom, the aftermath of bullying, panic attacks and stress. She was immediately, without hesitation signed off to recover from fatigue and stress.
It was found that Cynthia was not so Ergophobic that she needed psychiatric intervention but was suffering the effects of trauma.
She decided to take counselling and during counselling, she discovered that she was actually a very strong , able person who had withstood bullying far longer than most people could. She had gone into battle for a year facing an intimidating and aggressive serial bully. It was only when it was over that the real bodily harm she had suffered came to the fore.
Cynthia decided with the help of her family, friends, medical and legal team that the only sane option was to leave her employer.
We will in due course be writing a forthcoming post on intelligent job searching for those of you who have decided that the time has come to leave. You owe it to yourself to research your next employer to make sure they are a better fit for you, and whilst no one can predict where a bully may lie, it makes sense to narrow the opportunity for it to happen.
Definition - or ergasiophobia is an abnormal and persistent fear of work (manual labor, non-manual labour, etc.) or finding employment. Ergophobia may also be a subset of either social phobia or performance anxiety. Sufferers of ergophobia experience undue anxiety about the workplace environment even though they realize their fear is irrational. Their fear may actually be a combination of fears, such as fear of failing at assigned tasks, speaking before groups at work (both of which are types of performance anxiety), socializing with co-workers (a type of social phobia), and other fears of emotional, psychological and/or physiological injuries. (Source WIKIPEDIA)
Further reading for a really good article on Ergophobia a nobullying.com
Saturday, 5 March 2016
Quick info buzz.
What's the buzz. Quick newsie. Just found the @acaslondon twitter handle which is from ACAS Advisory and Concilliation and Arbritration Service in the UK. Brilliant and handy quick guide to employment rights on their own twitter feed. Pumping out lots of excellent bitesize chunks of info that is almost better than a website. Plus they also give links to loads of handy ACAS youtube videos on employment rights. Check it out!
Which links to our next point which is that it may be worth looking at respected youtube videos on rights too, something we have not really delved seriously into. However, if we find anything interesting we will let you know.
Don't forget to check out our blogs below or click on our blog archive to the right for handy hints and tips on recovery from bullying and see also our Quick links to over 20 websites that deal with bullying.
Empower yourself with information and knowledge against your bully!
Which links to our next point which is that it may be worth looking at respected youtube videos on rights too, something we have not really delved seriously into. However, if we find anything interesting we will let you know.
Don't forget to check out our blogs below or click on our blog archive to the right for handy hints and tips on recovery from bullying and see also our Quick links to over 20 websites that deal with bullying.
Empower yourself with information and knowledge against your bully!
Wednesday, 2 March 2016
What is a toxic workplace? meaning and a link
TOXICITY!
We were going to write an article on toxic work places. If you do not know what a toxic workplace is it is a workplace where the processes and culture have become a danger to staff health and safety. Bullying and aggressive or careless acts toward staff become rife, leading to ill-health and lack of moral and loss of income to the institution as well as loss of humanity.
A GREAT LINK
We have found an article that is as good a description of toxicity as we have come across and rather than write our own article we would heartily recommend this as a really excellent piece that we could not personally better. We have no links with this blog site but are recommending the article as we feel we could not have done better ourselves. This is the link http://www.innermedpublishing.com/toxic%20workplace.html
Another very good set of articles on toxicity can be found at Bullyonline.org
THERE IS MORE!
Don't forget that we have lots of links to websites that address workplacebullying at the side of this blog titled Quick Links.
Please also read our blogs from 2015 and 16 which contain recovery tips and suggestions for those experiencing workplace bullying.
Whilst we cannot give professional advice and our blog is just our way of trying to help, we do hope that some of what we say is helpful.
Get well and recover.
We were going to write an article on toxic work places. If you do not know what a toxic workplace is it is a workplace where the processes and culture have become a danger to staff health and safety. Bullying and aggressive or careless acts toward staff become rife, leading to ill-health and lack of moral and loss of income to the institution as well as loss of humanity.
A GREAT LINK
We have found an article that is as good a description of toxicity as we have come across and rather than write our own article we would heartily recommend this as a really excellent piece that we could not personally better. We have no links with this blog site but are recommending the article as we feel we could not have done better ourselves. This is the link http://www.innermedpublishing.com/toxic%20workplace.html
Another very good set of articles on toxicity can be found at Bullyonline.org
THERE IS MORE!
Don't forget that we have lots of links to websites that address workplacebullying at the side of this blog titled Quick Links.
Please also read our blogs from 2015 and 16 which contain recovery tips and suggestions for those experiencing workplace bullying.
Whilst we cannot give professional advice and our blog is just our way of trying to help, we do hope that some of what we say is helpful.
Get well and recover.
Wednesday, 17 February 2016
Bullied? Self help books that have helped!
I am preparing an addable list of books that have been helpful to us in tackling bullying and expanding thinking and ideas on how to live with and reduce trauma when bullied. Not forgetting also bullyonline.org which provides a really comprehensive description of what bullying actually is.
In addition to our recommendations below we have been pointed to another book link. We would also heartily recommend this link http://workplacebullying.co.uk/bookindex.html which has a direct link to several academic texts on bullying that would assist the serious researcher. As we have said before studying bullying EMPOWERS you. We do not want to take away from the excellent work Workplace Bullying has prepared and are happy to provide a link to their excellent list of bullying books which also shoot you straight to Amazon for purchases.
OUR PERSONAL FAVORITES
Andrea Adams -Bullying At Work How to confront and overcome it!
This is quite an old book now written by the late Andrea Adams and still appears to be available on Amazon. The book was written from the huge public response to a BBC radio 4 programme An Abuse of Power and Whose Fault is it Anyway. The book has illustrative personal accounts and self-help advice and is still extremely relevant. The book is a straightforward and simple read.
Tim Field's Bully in Sight. The venerated Tim Field the first and most prestigious bully campaigner who debunks myths about victims of bullying, bullies and bully survival.
https://www.amazon.co.uk/Bully-Sight-challenge-workplace-Overcoming/dp/0952912104
Introduction to the psychodynamics of workplace bullying by Sheila White www.karnacbooks.com .
An analysis of bullying and why it happens by an acedemic and blogger on whybulliesbully.com
Oliver Burkeman - The Antidote. Happiness for People Who Can't Stand Positive Thinking
This book helped Belle through cancer and bullying. Not necessarily everyones cup lf tea as it is quite stoic, it is a really interesting alternative look at finding happiness whilst accepting adversity.
This is the blurb. In this fascinating new book which he narrates himself, Oliver Burkeman argues that "positive thinking" and relentless optimism aren't the solution to the happiness dilemma, but part of the problem. And that there is, in fact, an alternative path to contentment and success that involves embracing the things we spend our lives trying to avoid - uncertainty, insecurity, pessimism, and failure. Thought-provoking, counterintuitive, and ultimately uplifting, The Antidote is a celebration of the power of negative thinking.
Noreen Tehrani - Building a culture of respect. The main focus of this book is on organisational cultures and how bullying can flourish. It recognises the health and psychological issues arising from workplace bullying. It aims to encourage a culture of respect through organsational will to create policies, processes and interventions to tackle bullying. It recognises and comes from the perspective that organisations should seek to change themselves rather than from the perspective of statutory change to enforce good practice.
Evelyn M Field - Strategies for surviving bullying at work. This is a sort of up-beat self-help book and a nice easy read for those who do not feel they want to delve too heavily into the intellectual elements of bullying. It has some great tips, some of which we found really useful and others not. You can take or leave what you want from it. Certain it is a book that acknowledges the suffering bullying causes without overwhelming the reader.
Lynn Larson Armstrong - How to be a Pink Flamingo in a Brown Duck Pond.
An interesting allegorical read. Strangely captivating in comparing the world of corporate business to flamingos and ducks. The outcome of which is to find a new and more meaningful way to function in life than just being another animal in the corporate jungle.
Elaine N Aron - The Highly Sensitive Person. How to thrive when the world overwhelms you
Great book for anyone who thinks they are sensitive generally to others emotions, atmospheres and need alone time to download. Very good for those that find working in a hot-house work environment difficult or who become stressed in noisy or highly charged work environments. Helps the reader feel settled with their personality type and good in general for people interested in self development/understanding and personality. It has advice on how to find a better fit in a extroverted and go-getter society. A good read, jargon-free and interesting.
Francis Cole - Overcoming Chronic Pain. A self help guide using CBT to assist with chronic pain. As more and more people are dealing with stressors leading to musculo-skeletal disorders and chronic pain this book is really a must. It explains how to reduce chronic pain by simple techniques and examples. It also explains how chronic pain affects the brain. As more and more of us are working with painful conditions in a sit-down society, this easily accessible book may provide the root to working longer and more comfortably by stopping pain controlling your life..
As we come across more books that we feel are helpful we will add to the list. Do let us know any of your favourites. We also like The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle, The Road Less Travelled by M Scott Peck and Full Catastrophe Living by Jon Kabat-Zinn Ph.D.
In addition to our recommendations below we have been pointed to another book link. We would also heartily recommend this link http://workplacebullying.co.uk/bookindex.html which has a direct link to several academic texts on bullying that would assist the serious researcher. As we have said before studying bullying EMPOWERS you. We do not want to take away from the excellent work Workplace Bullying has prepared and are happy to provide a link to their excellent list of bullying books which also shoot you straight to Amazon for purchases.
OUR PERSONAL FAVORITES
Andrea Adams -Bullying At Work How to confront and overcome it!
This is quite an old book now written by the late Andrea Adams and still appears to be available on Amazon. The book was written from the huge public response to a BBC radio 4 programme An Abuse of Power and Whose Fault is it Anyway. The book has illustrative personal accounts and self-help advice and is still extremely relevant. The book is a straightforward and simple read.
Tim Field's Bully in Sight. The venerated Tim Field the first and most prestigious bully campaigner who debunks myths about victims of bullying, bullies and bully survival.
https://www.amazon.co.uk/Bully-Sight-challenge-workplace-Overcoming/dp/0952912104
Introduction to the psychodynamics of workplace bullying by Sheila White www.karnacbooks.com .
An analysis of bullying and why it happens by an acedemic and blogger on whybulliesbully.com
Oliver Burkeman - The Antidote. Happiness for People Who Can't Stand Positive Thinking
This book helped Belle through cancer and bullying. Not necessarily everyones cup lf tea as it is quite stoic, it is a really interesting alternative look at finding happiness whilst accepting adversity.
This is the blurb. In this fascinating new book which he narrates himself, Oliver Burkeman argues that "positive thinking" and relentless optimism aren't the solution to the happiness dilemma, but part of the problem. And that there is, in fact, an alternative path to contentment and success that involves embracing the things we spend our lives trying to avoid - uncertainty, insecurity, pessimism, and failure. Thought-provoking, counterintuitive, and ultimately uplifting, The Antidote is a celebration of the power of negative thinking.
Noreen Tehrani - Building a culture of respect. The main focus of this book is on organisational cultures and how bullying can flourish. It recognises the health and psychological issues arising from workplace bullying. It aims to encourage a culture of respect through organsational will to create policies, processes and interventions to tackle bullying. It recognises and comes from the perspective that organisations should seek to change themselves rather than from the perspective of statutory change to enforce good practice.
Evelyn M Field - Strategies for surviving bullying at work. This is a sort of up-beat self-help book and a nice easy read for those who do not feel they want to delve too heavily into the intellectual elements of bullying. It has some great tips, some of which we found really useful and others not. You can take or leave what you want from it. Certain it is a book that acknowledges the suffering bullying causes without overwhelming the reader.
Lynn Larson Armstrong - How to be a Pink Flamingo in a Brown Duck Pond.
An interesting allegorical read. Strangely captivating in comparing the world of corporate business to flamingos and ducks. The outcome of which is to find a new and more meaningful way to function in life than just being another animal in the corporate jungle.
Elaine N Aron - The Highly Sensitive Person. How to thrive when the world overwhelms you
Great book for anyone who thinks they are sensitive generally to others emotions, atmospheres and need alone time to download. Very good for those that find working in a hot-house work environment difficult or who become stressed in noisy or highly charged work environments. Helps the reader feel settled with their personality type and good in general for people interested in self development/understanding and personality. It has advice on how to find a better fit in a extroverted and go-getter society. A good read, jargon-free and interesting.
Francis Cole - Overcoming Chronic Pain. A self help guide using CBT to assist with chronic pain. As more and more people are dealing with stressors leading to musculo-skeletal disorders and chronic pain this book is really a must. It explains how to reduce chronic pain by simple techniques and examples. It also explains how chronic pain affects the brain. As more and more of us are working with painful conditions in a sit-down society, this easily accessible book may provide the root to working longer and more comfortably by stopping pain controlling your life..
As we come across more books that we feel are helpful we will add to the list. Do let us know any of your favourites. We also like The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle, The Road Less Travelled by M Scott Peck and Full Catastrophe Living by Jon Kabat-Zinn Ph.D.
Tuesday, 9 February 2016
Review your employer on the internet. Yes or No??
Did you know that you can place reviews of employers on job-sites such as Glass-door and Indeed. Just as you would review a restaurant 1 - 5 stars.
Not many people seem to use the facility. Probably because they do not know it can be done.
Would it help to eradicate workplace bullying if people could see reviews of employers and begin to distinguish the good from the bad, or would it be open to abuse??
To post or not to post. Yes or No. Interesting debate??
Not many people seem to use the facility. Probably because they do not know it can be done.
Would it help to eradicate workplace bullying if people could see reviews of employers and begin to distinguish the good from the bad, or would it be open to abuse??
To post or not to post. Yes or No. Interesting debate??
Thursday, 4 February 2016
UK Websites for information on rights at work
We neglect our emotional health at our own peril and this blog is all about emotional health and recovery. We we are from time to time asked why we do not provide much in the way of practical advice. Our main reason is there are ample sites providing practical advice but hardly any attending to recovery.
To assist though here are some practical sites who can assist with advice and guidance for work related issues and rights. Also to the right of the blog are several quick links for health.
Thanks to Macmillan Support for this helpful information sheet.
Saturday, 30 January 2016
New closed FACEBOOK group
Hi Dear Readers,
We have just started a new closed group for the workplace bullied. If you would like to take a look we would love it if you would join or give us a mention. It is Bullied At Work? - Talking For Recovery. Belle cancer-bullied.blogspot.com 🙉🙊🙈.https://www.facebook.com/groups/543258879165683/?ref=ts&fref=ts&__mref=message
We have just started a new closed group for the workplace bullied. If you would like to take a look we would love it if you would join or give us a mention. It is Bullied At Work? - Talking For Recovery. Belle cancer-bullied.blogspot.com 🙉🙊🙈.https://www.facebook.com/groups/543258879165683/?ref=ts&fref=ts&__mref=message
Friday, 29 January 2016
20 web links to Anti-bullying help sites
Don't forget, plus our articles below, we have a comprehensive list of links at the side of this blog called QUICK LINKS these will take you to host of really great places for bully information and recovery. We also have page links at the top of the blog.
Exploring and understanding bullying is your key to recovery. Finding you are not alone and that there are loads of strategies will empower you.
Do explore our articles we have great articles on empowerment. re finding your identity and survival but we are not greedy. There are lots of other sites out there that help and we like to share. 🙊🙉🙈🌺
Exploring and understanding bullying is your key to recovery. Finding you are not alone and that there are loads of strategies will empower you.
Do explore our articles we have great articles on empowerment. re finding your identity and survival but we are not greedy. There are lots of other sites out there that help and we like to share. 🙊🙉🙈🌺
Thursday, 28 January 2016
Our TV debut or just a quick mention.
Many thanks to the Revelation Channel for mentioning us on Voice in the Wilderness with Michael Cummins.
Wednesday, 27 January 2016
Dealing with feelings of violence and hate toward the bully.
Peter (not his real name) is a mild mannered man not given to violence or aggression. After being persistently bullied at work by a manager who micro-manages him and criticises his work and treats him more harshly than other staff, he has become worried about thoughts of hate and violence against his tormenter. These feelings have alarmed him. He feel ashamed of such thoughts. These mental thoughts are not the same as intrusive thoughts, but the thoughts evoked when thinking about the bully or in discussion about the bully.
We live in a society that expects us to conform to certain behaviours and norms. Thinking violent or aggressive thoughts about the bully makes one anxious or frightened. We are meant to be civilised not vigilantes in our own head.
Yet, everyday normal stable people are often heard uttering extreme statements."I wanted to punch her in the face." Or "I could kill her, I really could." Or words to that effect. We have all heard people say them or uttered them ourselves. Such words seem to convey the extremity of emotion felt inside, even though they are a gross exaggeration of anything one would even contemplate doing in real life.
However, feelings of hatred towards a bully are normal. They are merely escapist fantasies in which you get the upper-hand against a dominant threat. Or they may be the minds way of coping with internal anger and frustration. Or yet still limbering up to make you feel strong, like an animal puffing up to feel bigger. For many they are thoughts that contemplate erasing the threat so it does not exist. It is imagination, nothing more. No stable person would act on such thoughts.
The root of such thoughts may be evolutionary based. Perhaps stone-age man had imagination so they could determine a threat; fight or flight. If your bully is clear and present you can't flee so perhaps it is the brain's "fighting talk" or brain yoga. Whatever it is, the requirement to be violent has long since ceased in the day to day life of the civilised person.
There does not seem to be much scientific material on what causes these fantasies and thoughts. It is possible such thoughts are feelings of impotent anger. Human-beings like exciting TV programmes that often contain violence that they would never contemplate in real life. Who knows why?
Having such thoughts should not make you be too hard on yourself, such thoughts are commonly expressed by those that are or have been bullied. Whether it is the animal in us, human nature or anger. Having such thoughts happens.
IF YOU ARE WORRIED GET HELP!
If the thoughts become intrusive or your anger becomes hard to control or you feel isolated and alone or it leaks into yours real rather than fantasy life, it may be time to seek professional assistance from your GP or counsellor.
Rest, relaxation, a good old sweat during sport can help. Trying to have fun despite all, maintaining normality with friends and family and thrashing it out with a good old fashioned moan can all help.
In the main though, it is part and parcel of the bully deal and in our opinion and in discussion with bullied workers, appears quite normal.
Our blog is only our opinion and cannot compensate for professional advice.
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