Thursday, 2 June 2016

We have moved!

Dear readers. Whilst this blog will remain live, our main website is now look forward to seeing you there.

Best wishes the CancerBullied team

Wednesday, 11 May 2016

Is Money - The elephant in the room?

Yes money.  The elephant in the room!

What is your relationship with money? Have you ever thought about it? Do you feel that without your job, you would not survive to pay bills and other outgoings? Do you think that those thought are really accurate?.....

When you are being workplace bullied, fear is a significant and compelling factor in what you can do to mitigate the bullying and whether you can leave your job. Many a bullied person's first point of call is, "how can I leave I need the money.". Losing money terrifies us! The fear of the loss of money can tie us to many things that we do not want. Understanding, the psychological impact of this is the beginning of having an adult relationship with the tool that is cash!

Our relationship with money is linked closely to emotional issues, such as being like your peers, having the latest gadgets, status and other peoples opinion of you. What is your reality? Only you know and you need to be honest with yourself.

Try not to underestimate the psychological impact of money.  Your personal relationship with money will be informed by your experiences in life. Remember money may represent loss, depression, joy, extravagance, revenge and love. In your relationship with money you may hear your parents, friends, family, your social status and even your clergyman in your ear.

The way to look at your relationship with money is to get perspective. Understanding the relationship can allow you to take personal decisions from a position of control.

1. Is your need for your salary an excuse, when the real issue is fear of change. Could you leave your job but are afraid to do so. (See our blog on intelligent job searching)

2. Is your salary really worth the stress? What do you earn? Could you earn the same or more elsewhere?

3. Could you take a move across or up within your existing company to remove yourself from the bullying without sacrificing your entire salary?

4. Is there equality of salary in your organisation? Are you being undersold? (Research your salary Payscale, Glassdoor

5.There is clear evidence that after a salary satisfies your basic needs the rest is frippery. Could you live more frugally or go part-time?

6.Following on,  higher salaries do not breed happiness, job satisfaction breeds happiness. Is money the real reason you are staying? Analyse why you are loyal to a bad manager, bullying co workers or that toxic company. Are you in a rictus of inaction,  for which money is not the chain that binds, but rather that you are institutionalised.

7. Is your job a vocation? In which case are you torn for other reasons that are not linked to money?

8. Do not underestimate corporate advantage taking. Is your salary a good reason to stay when others are vastly better remunerated? Does your organisation value staff in an unequal manner?

9. Get your debts and finances in order. Take back control to tackle bullying ( communities)

10. Get counselling, coaching or impartial advice, so you can get an objective view of your relationship with money.

11. Is money a security blanket for you. Does money represent your personality as a risk taker or safety player?

Money is extremely important to some, if not all of us, but it is merely a tool, a means to an end. In deciding how money might chain you to a toxic and unsatisfying job, you may want to think about the story of the mythological King Midas. He was the king who gained the ability to turn everything he touched into gold. Eventually the food he tried to consume and the water he drank hardened to gold on his lips. Wealth became his prison and his curse.


Wednesday, 4 May 2016

Are you multiple bullied?? Workplace bullying Cataclysm.


There is an area of bullying that is more complex and difficult than any of the issues described above. It tends to happen in organisations that deliver services such as hospitals, social work, teaching, the judicial system, personal banking and other vocational areas of work.


These industries are affected by multiple users. They may be the subject of statutory and legislative control, they are monitored by inspectors or similar, the press and the subject of public scrutiny. They have managers, clients, hierarchical structures, agents, official and lay users, for example, governors, judges, non governmental trustees and so forth. Frontline staff are answerable to all of these levels.

Service industries deserve a special mention. The frontline staff in these institutions are subject to the multiple layers of user-ship. They have to respond to change directed by legal and executive decisions at a political level. They are managed, but they also have to respond to lay and official users. They also have to respond to the needs of clients be they patients, children, victims of crime, members of the public etc.

In increasingly authoritarian and judgemental times these institutions risk staff being subjected to multiple layers of bullying and abuse. This behaviour can result in demoralised, traumatised staff.

Bullying increases in times of social change and unrest. These times are undeniably upon us, whether from changing economies, to changing views about public security and freedom. There is a sea change in the way staff are viewed. In some cases we may have become units and widgets rather than humans beings.

Some organisations have become mechanical structures in which human beings are expected to be part of a sort of mega factory. It is very interesting how some badly run service organisations, in striving for greater and greater savings and efficiency seem to have forgotten the human factor.

The service industries such as teaching, social work and nursing have long been recognised as being areas where staff can be at high risk of bullying in badly run parts of the organisation. (Source


We have talked in this blog about bullying by co-workers and managers. However, in service organisations, workers can be bullied at multiple levels and sometimes simultaneously across the layers.

Political ideas can sometimes adversely affect the quality of employment in ways never envisaged by our political masters. Below that, officials, who have a say in the running of such industries, can directly or indirectly affect the quality of work of frontline staff. This may be by the imposition of measures where the human input is not properly considered or by direct intervention. A good example could be badly trained governors of a school, collectively bullying a head or other staff.


Managers can bully, so can co-workers as we know. However, not much is said about bullying by clients such as patients or members of the public. These people have access to complaints procedures. Sadly some frustrated clients or users of services take out their frustrations on frontline staff. It is the duty of industry leaders and managers to back up staff where clients are abusive or bullying. This is right and proper and should not be a bar to the proper investigation of genuine complaints.


There is some anecdotal evidence from staff that there may be a decrease in the support available for frontline staff. Frontline staff are often the easiest and softest target in areas where blame cultures may flourish or that seeks to punish, rather than rectify mistakes. It can be in the interests of poor managers to provide a scapegoat to the media or other agencies rather than take executive accountability and political accountability. It appears that it is rarer than in the past for politicians, CEO's or chief executives to resign.

Some areas of media engagement can encourage senior staff, officials and politicians to find soft targets in an effort to pacify the quest of the press for a story. In these days of 24 hour news, it is essential that organisations do not take knee jerk action, but think through their decisions to name or possibly shame and employee who was just doing their job in straightened conditions. There can be an appetite for finding someone to blame. In some cases blame does not solve the issue, but rather a change in culture and dialogue from a place of openness and transparency.

The press also has a duty to look critically at their stories and ensure that investigative journalism thrives and gets to the bottom of the real issues.


The result of these multiple pressures on the individual,  is the breakdown of morale, depression, misery, trauma and even suicide.  Many service professionals have taken on their roles as a vocation. More and more they are being asked to work more for less pay, less resources and less advantageous working conditions. Vocational workers tend to suffer in silence and are slow to complain or take political action and their plight can go unnoticed or unacknowledged.

So what is the answer? On a personal level one must always keep sight of their humanity and their rights. You have the right to be selfish or rather self concerned and despite being a person who cares or indeed a care giver, you must begin to work on being self interested. You must work on taking care of you. You have the right to be considered and treated with respect. You have the right to express yourself and have an opinion. You have the right not to be abused no matter how high up the corporate or official chain the behaviour goes.

We often hear these days that workers have a general responsibility to society. They should not strike, they should not work to rule etc. However there is a reciprocal duty on society, officialdom and politicians to respect workers.

At Cancerbullied we believe that organisations have a duty to engage and consider staff. That in the creation of political, managerial and institutional policies, that people should be at the centre of decision making. That policies should be rigorously tested for their risks to staff well-being. You would be surprised how many times staff complain that decisions are made without consultation.

Demoralised and traumatised staff cost millions in sickness and mental health related days off. Talent drains from industries that do not address that balance.

Over and above this is YOU! You will already know, if the multiple layers of risk to bullying are encroaching on your professional or daily life, what it feels like to be under extreme pressure. Your health comes first, money comes second. We are big on the talking therapies such as counselling, coaching, resilience training and mindfulness. Make it your business to be selfish if your employer is also selfish to you.  In every service there is another bank, another hospital and another school.... Consider this when you are feeling put upon.....

There is lots more info in this blog so do take a look at our blog archive and quick links.

Tell us what you did when you were multiple bullied??

Take care of you!

Saturday, 30 April 2016

A little change, we will soon be

Just to let you know that we are changing to and that our website appearance will soon be changing. You can still reach us on the old address.

Have you tried any recovery techniques?

WE ARE NOT ALL BULLY PROOF! But we can still recover!

Being bullied ranks as one of the most stressful events you can suffer. You owe it to yourself from the very moment you recognise it is happening, to the day it ends, YOU OWE IT TO YOURSELF, to allow yourself to heal the wounds, to seek the warmth of the sun and the beauty of the world around you.


Rowena Arbuthnot (a fictional name) was being mercilessly bullied at work by one of her colleagues Ron, who took the mickey out of what she wore and gave her a nickname of Arbuckle (after Fatty Arbuckle). She would come into the office and he would say something like 'your top is looking a bit grey today, did you wash it?" As her surname was Arbuthnot he claimed he called her Arbuckle because of her surname and not because of her weight. Yet he knew that she struggled with her weight and was often on a diet. One day he said to her. "Is that a diet shake you're eating. I only ask because I wondered whether it was working?"

He thought he was funny and the office clown. He was popular, she was not.

She read everything there was to read about bullying. She felt  bullied and undermined but did not know how to tackle it. Tentative steps to mention it to her boss were met with humour. She needed to know how to take a joke and that everyone knew Ron was just mucking about, the office was a family and Ron was the naughty teenager!

But the slurs continued.

Rowena tried lots of tactics, she tried being assertive and was told she was being a 'shrew'. She tried raising the issue with management and was told it was all a joke and not to be so 'sensitive' She asked other women who were the buttress of comments to support her and she was shunned for being a trouble maker and outspoken.


The company was not big on respect or dignity or legitimising the feelings of its workers. It had a culture based on cruel comments disguised as jokes and horseplay disguised as team bonding. The company had no knowledge or inclination to change its basis of working. The employee fitted in with them not the other way round. All employees were dispensable and if Rowena did not like it, she could jolly well go elsewhere. She should be grateful to have any job in a recession.

Rowena googled and read about lots of ways to make herself bully free but none of them worked (sometimes they do work, sometimes they do not). She was demoralised, apathetic and miserable, that increased the bullying. Rowena did not feel she could leave as she worked locally and the company allowed her flexible hours to pick up her children from school. She needed the income and the convenience, but her health was suffering. The low grade background bullying was sapping her confidence and affecting her health.

Strategies may be useful but, sometimes you cannot stop a bully no matter what!


We believe that it is the responsibility of the perpetrator to change their behaviour. The emphasis of society and companies should be on changing the bully dynamic. The fact is, that this way of thinking has been slow to take flight. It is not surprising that a single victim, alone, fighting a toxic and lazy company against a high level bully, who has the company on their side, has the deck stacked against them.

So where is Rowena to go from here? For some the devastation of failing to beat the bully or finally losing your job, being fired, being rejected by your workplace, losing your employment tribunal hearing and losing perhaps even your identity, can result in ruination both financial, mental and physical. Many who have been bullied have found themselves so ill by the experience that they have never been able to work again, some have died.


Beginning to heal takes the courage to say "ENOUGH, I deserve better! You deserve the right to use whatever healthy means of recovery works for you.

Recovery is an individual thing. It means giving yourself permission to get help! For some it may mean deep analysis and counselling and using the resources offered by your medical practitioner. For others activities or sport and hobbies that make you feel good. For yet others, mindfulness, meditation, the spiritual path. Finally, finding a road to help others.


The rise of social media has changed everything, there is a whole world to explore. Used in a healthy way, to seek the light and change your life, the internet is an inspirational tool.  It gives you the resources connect with others and being mindful of sensible precautions, can create a beautiful creative world (see our QUICK LINKS)


What about money, you ask. Money is important, money is a tool needed to live, but recovery can be free, the gentle step by step path to regaining control of your life. That is better than money.  It could be doing free on line courses to build confidence, re-establishing old networks for a new job, joining a support group, starting a support group, reading quotes, writing quotes.

It may be a quiet pursuit such as running, writing, poetry, meditating, praying, creating something.

Yoga, laughter, fun, joining in and being involved in social media, being childlike again.....the list is endless.

What is more it may be one or more of any of the above and any other creatively healing choice you make. I have tried counselling, art, poetry, writing and helping people and more......


So if it feels hopeless, pace it! Set yourself a teeny tiny goal. A walk in the park, baking a cake, listening to some uplifting music on Youtube.

Building gradually, each day build on the tiny weeny steps and not beating yourself up if you do not achieve your expectations. Learning to find what works for you and allowing yourself to love yourself enough to know that pursuing release from pain is something you are entitled to. YOU ARE VALUABLE.


Come to The Third Way from time to time to remind yourself you are not alone. Go to some of our Quicklinks to remember there are 10 millon of us bullied somewhere in the world as we write. Remembering that if you were an an ant, you would be part of an enormous community of ants who know what it feels like to be you! Who empathise with you, who share your pain even though we do not know each other. You are not alone even though it may feel like it. Some people believe in cosmic Karma, some in destiny, fate and some in God. We believe the world is connected and that no man is an island. You've got back up, you only have to ask and the world will provide, this is called serendipity. Hold out your hand and connect however slowly or tentatively. Banish bitterness and hate, distrust and turmoil. Embrace the possibility that the bully lives in an evil minority.  Is it possible that the majority are just like you good, kind, funny, creative and lovable. Make a plan to find some of them? Tiny tiny steps and perhaps you can win after-all.


I do not apologise for repeating myself many times in different ways in this blog. You will see me saying similar things in different ways, in my quest to get the message out. RECOVERY IS WITHIN YOUR GRASP. Repetition of the message is a great way to get it to stick. Repetition is a recognised way to educate and remind.

So here goes, YOU ARE WORTHY, YOU ARE WORTHY, YOU ARE WORTHY.... see you are starting to believe in yourself once again!

We are not professionals and cannot compensate for professional advice in a bullying situation. Our aim is to give hope and solace in times of strife. Bullying is a whole body experience and you can choose to look after your whole self.

Tuesday, 26 April 2016

Bullied at work - finding inner strength

Bullied at work? Inner Strength

Give your self permission to live 'well'. We often neglect mental health and our wellbeing. Because of this when something really terrible happens like being bullied in the workplace, we are not ready for it. We are not strong enough, we do not have enough resilience. Building mental strength and tenacity may be just as, if not more important than physical strength.  

When we have not done enough healing or acceptance of ourselves to be ready for anything, we risk being crushed by it. 

Learning to roll with the punches is not easy. It may bring up bad memories. We may never have had to think seriously about our mental health. However sooner or later things come up that test us. Being prepared, just like preparing your body for a run is important  It has to be practised and learned. So limber up that brain muscle and choose to value yourself. 

The fact is you cannot change the way others think, but you can change how you think and that is the route to gaining back control of your life. It is the responsibility of corporations to put in place strategies to deal with bullies. Once a bully always a bully. They will never change but you can.

It is about exploring new avenues, new ideas such as self-help books, meditation, mindfulness, counselling, journaling, spirituality, resilience training, writing, creativity, brain training, volunteering, studying something new, even laughter yoga .....Even if you are sceptical, be open to new things, new ideas, new ways of thinking.......Find what works for you.

Personally writing was my way out of grief and pain and also studying new subjects. This works for me but it could be something different for you.

Start today, so you are prepared for anything.

There is now clinical evidence that wellness and new ideas for well-being really work. They are not just some faddy idea and perhaps opening our minds to the possibility that anxiety and low mood can be helped by preventative action, in advance of the stresses and strains we all endure one time or another, can only be for the good.

Even if you are inside the turmoil of workplace bullying it is never too late to take control of the one thing you have in your power, namely your health and happiness. The bullying may take its toll, but as you begin to build confidence using new ways of thinking, you get better control of your life. This reduces the bully's clutch on you.

What healthy things have you done to build your resilience and inner strength?? 

Please feel free to browse this blog there is lots of valuable information and links to help recovery from the evils of the workplace bully! Don't forget you may well need professional, medical, legal, union and/or any other lawful intervention to assist you with workplace bullying. Our blog is about learning to recover from the battering, but does not compensate for other professional options. 

Friday, 22 April 2016

A quick blog biscuit

Here is a quick blog biscuit to have with your afternoon tea or coffee.

We have just seen a really excellent article on rumination in Psychology Today. Rumination is when intrusive thoughts go round and round in your mind. It is a feature that may arise when being bullied at work or when trying to recover. The horrible incident plays over and over and over again as if on a loop.

This article has lots of practical tips for self-help. Obviously if you are finding it hard to cope, seek medical assistance. Hope it helps.

We have lots of practical, interesting and helpful ideas on the left of this blog. Do take a browse if you have time. Or join our newsletter. If not just have our quick biscuit of information.

Sunday, 17 April 2016

Bullied? Have you ever made a Zen space?


Sometimes it is almost impossible to relax after a day of hell at the job.

"Do not forget as you read this that there is lots of practical and recovery information in the body of this blog and this article is but one of many strategies to fit different people and different stages of bullydom. Some of our articles are quite heavy and others light so there is variety and differing levels of depth for the reader." 

We were inspired by a twitter photo of a lovely Zen room on @zenandom, to talk about making a space just for calming yourself down. We do believe here at Cancerbullied that the route to recovery and taking back control from workplace bullying,  is made by making a determined effort to calm the chattering mind. The mind left to its own devices can chat a lot of negative and unhelpful jibber-jabber. It is time to take control of your thoughts for a while and get the sub-concious to shut-up for a bit!


Making a calming space for thinking, pondering and meditating is a great idea and it can be as little or as large as you like. It could be on top of a bureau, on a bedside cabinet, in a shed, outside in the garden, on a balcony or even in a whole room. We know several people who have Zen'd their bathroom.

It need not cost the earth. You could place little trinkets that mean something to you. Pieces of memories, old jewellery, beloved photos, beads, twigs, dried flowers,stone,  ornaments such as small buddhas, or artefacts, a painting or poster, in fact anything you like. It could be animals, deities, statuettes, religous icons of your choosing, nice art pieces. We love Gauguin and Van Gogh posters. You may like to have chimes outside, bells you can ring, smells, for example, a  scented stick or scent candles ** Stones piled on each other look great. 


Such things can be found a thrift shops, ethnic shops, charity shops, antique shops, shops like Wilko and B & M, hobby craft shops, markets and boot fairs and by the beach or even in your garden. The list is endless. You can gather twigs, flowers, pine cones stones, shells etc all free. It may even feel therapeutic to search out things for your Zen space.

You can place your meditation and thinking things on a nice peice of paper or cloth, you could use wall paper cut offs, nice scarves, pretty cut outs of material or a nice piece of polished wood or attractive surface, perhaps even a tray. It is your space so creativity is key.

You may want candles as they give off a lovely relaxing aura. ** If you are outside you may light a little fire or some barbecue coals.** Firepits can be bought cheaply from DIY stores such as B & Q**

Your thoughts can be as you please. Of family, friends, dreams, lovely memories, pets, holidays,beaches, tropical islands, fantasy worlds, space......Or....nothing at all.

We like fantasy things like unicorns and faeries. However, such a space should be determined by who you are and can be as feminine or as masculine as suits.


When you go to this place you may wish to think out loud, or think quietly, say affirmations, read from books, novels or travel books are great. You may simply breath and meditate. It is all down to you.

The space should encourage positive and calming thoughts. You may wish to play restful music such as you would hear in a spa. We love as it provides gongs, singing bowls, bells and all sorts of imaginative music.

This space should be yours alone and one where you can go to for a few minutes to as long as you please. 


If negative thoughts creep in, just let them flow and go over you and steady yourself back to calmness by concentrating on the patterns, pictures and objects around you, on the sounds, smells or even tastes. This is where reading out loud or concentrating on breathing can come in handy, some people like to hold an object such as a piece of fur, or beads,  smooth stones, polished wood, anything which has a sensory touch. If you feel the thinking is not coming back to the positive, go away and come back later.

The idea is to occupy the senses, if possible all senses including smell and sound, even if the sound is in your head. You can even immerse yourself in touch and if you wish taste. 


There is no reason at all why you should not have something nice to taste, such as a fragrant tea, green tea, fruit tea or chocolates, turkish delight or anything you associate with calmness. 

Do not beat yourself up if you only get a short period of calm, just come back to it time and again. Go away if it feels too emotional or odd. Then come back when you wish to feel centered and positive or calmed , a little each time until it grows.

Do not go there in your work clothes, but change into something comfortable and if possible colourful, as colour can lift mood.


This is another great and imaginative idea for helping recovery froM the stresses and strains of that job. Creativity is the route to optimism.

Let us know if it works for you!

This is your space, your escape, your diversion. 

The Cancerbullied Team

**Ensure you apply safety considerations to any lighted product  and they are best place inside a vessel for the purpose. Do not leave candles or any lighted thing unattended especially fire and observe outdoor fire rules and regs and any rules attached to your BBQ, fire pit or any other vessel. Never leave a lighted fire unattended and make sure it is properly put out. 

For optimum safety you can now buy battery operated candles very cheaply, or use a night light,

Tuesday, 12 April 2016

Bullied at work. Our most popular posts!

Here is a list of our most popular blogs so that you have them at your fingertips when you need an anti-bully boost.

Validation! Yes you are being bullied.

This link is a short blog on identifying and acknowledging bullying. This is a good route to begin recovery.

Bully first aid kit - Emergency plans

This link is a quick guide if you feel that there is an immediate bully threat

Planning your strategy

You may wish to plan more deeply how to deal with the emerging bullying situation.

Worrying about your work identity

If you are worried about losing your identity. Do not let the bully succeed in robbing you of it.

Yes you are feeling trauma - allow this to be acknowledged

Bullying is traumatic. If you feel giddy and disorientated it is not your imagination.

Feeling enraged?Feeling enraged

Do not blame yourself

Blaming the victim is an outmoded concept. Bullying is, in our opinion is abuse and unacceptable on any level

Empower yourself.

You have the right to empower yourself and recover from bullying. Do not let the bully succeed. They seek to destroy and eliminate but they do not have your mind. We are not yet in 1984, not yet.....

Recommended reading

Some of our favourite reading

Getting out of that rubbish job

Some ideas for intelligent job searching if  you have decided enough is enough

Some ideas for relaxation

These are ideas and opinions to support recovery that we know we and others have tried. It is not an exhaustive list. You should seek medico legal help if required and we are not experts but just trying to get by day by day just like you. We hope we have helped. Please note there is lots more on the blog and loads of quick links to the side of the blog to other helpful sites.

Best wishes the Cancer-Bullied Team.

Wednesday, 6 April 2016

Work-bullied? Do you blog to feel better??

We tweeted today on @bellemarsh4 about how much we enjoy blogging. How it has helped us express ourselves. It is important as bullied ones that you are allowed to express yourself, it is the removal of control and self-regulation that makes bullying so immoral. We have learned whilst writing this blog (do have a look at our archives) that loss of identity, fear and shame block those traumatised by work-place bullying.

We wondered how many of you had taken up blogging as a creative outlet? After all what is blogging or social media. It is really old fashioned journalling and diary writing. It has a respectable history and lineage and is not just for the youngsters.

"Do not forget as you read this that there is lots of practical and recovery information in the body of this blog and this article is but one of many strategies to fit different people and different stages of bullydom. Some of our articles are quite heavy and others light so there is variety and differing levels of depth for the reader." 

Writing a blog uses your own creative and individual voice in writing, designing, layout and creating pictures, visuals and ideas. It is really on-line scrap- booking in a way. A form of on-line play and it need not be serious. Start as a hobbyist and see where it leads.

You do not need to write a blog on being bullied, it could be on anything. How you knit, do DIY, your travels, what books you like, your poetry, songs, music....the list is endless.

You can limit your audience. Did you know that?? You do not need to go public right away.

To create a blog you can write, create quotes, add public domain pictures and you-tube videos, vines, gifs, songs, poems, paintings, art, your voice, your ideas, stop motion. Just ensure you have the right to use them. There is free software and apps for all these things. If you use free software, make sure you have a good virus checker though.

Blogging these days requires little or in the case of Tumblr no real technical know-how. You learn as you go along and can join communities and social media to find out how to move on.

Today everyone is an artist.

If you do decide to blog there are hundreds of options. You could join a micro-blogging community like or use Google's Blogger or Wordpress to create a blog. Or you can join communities like Blogher.

Releasing your creative juices is easy and therapeutic. Creativity puts you in flow and allows your mind to rest by becoming absorbed. This helps to steady the erratic mind when being bullied.

To create a blog you need to make sure you read up on on-line safety and do not make unsubstantiated or defamatory comments and observe intellectual rights. So you must not plagiarise other peoples work whether it be in writing, pictures or any other media, that said the world is your oyster. Make sure you check legals on your sites FAQ's.

Being on-line is not totally anonymous, but you can use pen-names or user names to create your blog if you like. If you are worried about anonimity read your Blog providers FAQ's

We would encourage you to read through our blog archives as this blog is designed to provide a variety of different strategies for recovering from work-place bullying at varying levels of detail and information.

Blogging allows you to shout out to the world. If the world does not answer back it does not matter, release and let go.......

Let us know how you are getting on......


Saturday, 2 April 2016

Bullying? How do you calm down?

Much of this blog has been about giving info but we want to expand to hearing your views and experiences.

Bullying in the workplace makes us feel bad. Reading back through the blog is info to make you feel better so please look at some of our older posts.

Today, I want to ask you what you did to find peace during the turmoil of bullying.

Here are a few of the things we did in our group Cancer-Bullied:

1. Tried to stay motivated. A little goal a day keeps the doctor away.

2.  Found a hobby to put us in flow. Painting, drawing, knitting, making models.....

3.  Listened to calming music such as the free version of the Calm Radio app

4.  Paced what we could do. 10 minutes cleaning or washing or going for a walk is better than nothing. You can increase or decrease the pace and increase or decrease the rest periods needed.

5.  Concentrated on breathing deeply to get good air in our lungs and fend off panic

6.  Took up Tai chi or a similar outside activity

7.  Took drives into the country and really took in what we saw

8.  Laughed, using comedy, jokes or anything. Even if it feels fake it will soon become real.

9.  Exercised regularly even when we did not feel like it

10. Reduced or cut out things like alcohol, cigarettes and painkillers when we felt able, seeking medical assistance if required.

11. Participate in social media and join communities for well-being

12. made sure we got a daily dose of chat with friends, family, communities or voluntary work

Doing some or all of the above grabs back YOUR control on YOUR life.

Please let our readers know your ideas. We would love to hear what you have to say on anything bully related!

Sunday, 27 March 2016

Bullying At Work - Intelligent job searching??

Bullied at work? - Intelligent job searching.


While setting up this blog it has lead us to traverse areas we never dreamed. We started as a blog for the recovery of those being bullied at work. However, the complexity of bullying within work has constantly surprised us, especially on twitter. We thought we would share the news that all is not lost in the world of work. We started off depressed and have become much more optimistic.

Check out this little nugget BBC News - The rise of the middle-aged intern


Our exploration of the twittersphere has revealed that we are by no means alone in trying to open the debate on bullying and moreover seek solutions. We have met wonderful people along the way and we really would encourage you to add us to your twitter so you can see who we talk to. @bellemarsh4

We have to admit there are many that are far ahead of us, those who have actually made a career from helping the workplace bullied, set up consultancies, recruitment agencies and advisory services. Those such as @HarassNoMore, stopworkplacebullying, bullyonline,org.

These are the innovators, those that are looking for radical solutions to redefining the world of work-bullying and employment for themselves and others. Looking at leadership role models and management models to see if they can be redefined.

There is a growing movement toward the recognition that employee engagement is key to good business. Motivated workers are more productive and more engaged in the development of the workplace. Disengaged workers are a serious risk to business both in time off sick, low productivity and the sinister practices of workplace sabotage by angry or demoralised employees. Employers be aware, your workplace is in danger of losing a lot of money!

We are very interested in the work of several of the people we have followed on our twitter and would encourage you to follow us and share in our knowledge database as it grows at @bellemarsh4.


We should not forget that the age where most bullying occurs is in the over 40's. This may be because we have missed the age of social media recruiting and the new more adventurous styles of gaining work. Researching employers is in its infancy, especially here in the UK, but job sites such as Monster, Glassdoor and Indeed and others have made this a developing area. New style and modern recruiters encourage you to assess your employers and post reviews. This is something the uneducated employer ignores at their peril.

You need to know how to research your employer. They need you and you are entitled to know who they are and what they are about. Moreover, you can now post an honest review about what you discover.

Let us not forget, that many of us choose a job without research or careful planning. How many of us are working where we are because it was the easiest route to a job? We have the responsibility and the right to do better.

Job searching is a much more applied science now and it is worth taking time to research what is happening by watching social media trends, learning and empowering yourself. After all, one route to avoid being bullied is to carefully choose where we work.

Astute use of media, allows us to find jobs that fit with us, whether we be extroverts or introverts or the sensitive type.

It is worth doing work on who we are to enable us to start to zone in on who we want to be and moreover where we want to work. Counselling, coaching and even asking our friends what type of person we are, can help lead us to more fulfilling work. I discovered by reading Elaine N Aron's book (The Highly Sensitive Person) that I am like a rabbit or a deer, sensitive, shy and someone who likes to be in the background. Not who I thought I was at all!

We need to understand ourselves sufficiently to grasp that our skills are real estate and that we are a wanted commodity. We wonder on this blog whether women in particular are sufficiently trained in how to negotiate the new ways of getting work and of negotiating salary?

How many of you have your CV's lodged with recruitment companies on-line or off-line? I do, and despite being well over 50, I have been headhunted quite a few times just by the passive entry of my CV on a recruitment site. So literally, whilst I actively hunt, my passive on-line CV (regularly updated) is allowing recruiters to find me.

How many of us are networking with business forums, societies or social networks. How many of us are researching how to use sites such as Linkedin and Twitter to create networks. If not, why not? We must not be afraid of embracing new ideas.

How many of us are forming relationships via social media or otherwise with those like us, those with our interests and with recruiters and innovators? This is surely the route to meaningful and fulfilling work.

Companies such as Amazon and other organisations offer extensive free on line courses (check reviews for reputation). There is now little excuse not to be continuing your education. In the last year I have gained certificates in counselling and safeguarding and support work. I did this in less than four months. Gaining valuable new skills has never been easier.

I know of a good many people who have concentrated social media in their local area where they live. This works well for child rearers and carers for example, by creating meaningful opportunities to connect nearby.

70% of work opportunities are never advertised, did you know that? There are opportunities for work everywhere. Do you need to stay in that horrible toxic workplace, with a culture that does not suit you?

Finally, the world has expanded to such an extent that everyday thousands of people have embraced self-employment. Could you be earning a passive income whilst working by using platforms as simple as, Gumtree, Ebay or Craig's list? If you have lost your job due to bullying, have you considered new and creative ways of getting in money.

Have you embraced the new money saving sites on-line, such as moneysaving There are many sites on frugality, that could get you through the lean times in a creative and exciting ways. With upcycling many have even made good side businesses.(Pinterest and Etsy). Dig into the world of on-line creativity and do not be satisfied until you locate what suits you! This is your life, your journey!

Recovery from bullying cannot simply be a passive act, we owe it to ourselves to seek a better workplace, to value our assets and to sell them to the right company. I say this to myself as much as to you. Taking control of your employment will make you feel good about yourself.

Having used social media extensively whilst running this blog, we have come to realise that there is a big world out there and millions of opportunities to develop and grow. By just reaching out on social media my cynicism about the workplace has begun to decline. We see creativity and innovation everywhere.